The inauguration of Barack Obama was a glorious occasion for Americans of all walks of life. FACT. Not just because the United States scored itself a capable and inspiring black president, although that was pretty swell, but because 1.5 million people in Washington D.C.’s National Mall got to gently rock out to Shawn Mullin’s “Lullabye”.
In case you haven’t listened to commercial rock radio lately, “Lullabye” was the falsettoid abortion that Shawn Mullins hit paydirt with in 1999:
The “Lullabye” video.
Basically, it’s a song about some Hollywood brat with rich parents who gets a little bummed about the “devils in this angel town” snore snore. Big fucking deal, right? Living in Los Angeles and having too much money is an easy fix. It even gets you out of jail.
Canadians are a pretty easy target. After all, they’re moose-lovin’ yokels who comically mispronounce their vowels (what’s that all aboot? LOL). But don’t feel sorry for them; they made their bed when they bought the records and went to the shows of the Barenaked Ladies, a band so consistently awful that even uncontacted tribes in the deepest Amazon roll their eyes when they hear the word ‘Canada’.
An uncontacted tribe reviews the latest Barenaked Ladies album, Snacktime!
To get just a little bit poetic, Barenaked Ladies had their roots in crap, were fertilised with a nutritious crap formula and grew into a mighty crap maple tree in 1998, before wilting into a gnarled and decomposing crap shrub from 1999 onwards. They’re the band responsible for the empirically-verified worst rhyming couplet of all time: “Chickity china the Chinese chicken / You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin’.”
Supposedly everyone has one good song in them or some shit. Interestingly, when I was googling the origins of that ridiculous statement, I clicked on a link to this amazing website about “CORRUPT DEVIL ROCK MUSIC”. THEY HAVE TEXT IN THREE COLOURS. AND ITALICS.
Anyway, that doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone is a one-hit wonder. There’s certain criteria that have to be filled in order to fit the description of a one-hit wonder, and the most important is how annoying the big song is. Other factors, like whether the band had more than one hit, aren’t that important.
Ever wonder what happened to that late '90s band who had that one big single (it probably had scratching in it) that appeared in a teen movie before they disappeared because their second single didn't crack the top ten and their third single tanked? You know, that band?
This blog is about them. Get ready for some learnin'.
